The Next Knight:

There’s been a lot of net speculation for the 3rd Batman flick.  I’ve stayed away from it til now.  This is what it needs to be.

Dark Knight was fucking amazing.  Of course.  Everyone assumes Riddler is next and that Catwoman is a possibility.  These sound good to me but the villain in the next movie HAS to be Batman.  We got zero hero character development in DK – that’s cool because what we needed was to see Jokers, Harvey Dents, James Gordons and Gothams progressions as individuals.  Now we need to see how those effect Bruce Wayne.

Riddler would be a very fitting vehicle for this.  And I think what would be even more perfect is if Joker is in league with him.  We should never see Joker, though.  He and E. Nygma (or whatever Goyer and the Nolans come up with – honestly they could call him Shirley and I wouldn’t give a fuck) should conspire through letters or email or messenger pigeons injected with methamphetamine or something.  And I could see Selina Kyle getting thrown in the mix a little but maybe she should really be saved for later down the line.  (And she should NEVER be called Catwoman.  She should be a female cat burglar named Selina Kyle and that’s it.)

But, as I said, the criminal element should be a vessel – an object for Wayne to fixate on(yes i said ‘on’ at the end of a sentence, fuck you).  The story needs to be Wayne losing himself.  He becomes one self-destructive motherfucker.  Bruce Wayne starts to exist less and less and he increasingly slips into being The Batman – becoming the shadows.

Thomas Wayne’s little boy died many years ago in that alley when Joe Cool fired two shots from a cheap revolver.  How could he remember what he was?  How could we possibly expect him to?  Revenge/justice/whatever – he built himself into a tool – in both the positive and negative senses of the word.

Now his 2 major rays of light for ever finding who he was again are gone – Rachel Dawes and Harvey Dent.  These are also great fuel for wallowing in self-destruction… (hmmm maybe I’m making this a little too much about me…)

anyways – Bruce Wayne lost everything he loved in the world once when he was a little kid.  When that happened he ceased to exist and eventually invented Batman.  Now it has happened again.  How does he go further than bottom?  That’s what we need to see.  At the beginning of Number 3 Alfred needs to be overseeing the final reconstruction on Wayne Manor.  Bruce needs to blow him off any time he brings up the subject.  Bruce needs to be more and more often leaving his WayneCorp responsibilities to some young consultant who contradicts Lucius Fox at every step.  This could be where Riddler comes in.  Edward Nygma/Nashton/Shirley could be the consultant with Wayne’s confidence.  It could be, as many have theorised, the Mr. Reese (“Mysteries”) character from DK.  The problem there being that Warner Brothers is sure to want Riddler to be played by a name – which either means they recast or WB will put Joshua Harto in a headliner role before the next flick.  I’m sure Nolan will do something before then so there will be ample opportunity.

Bruce feels guilty for surviving and this should manifest in him seeing Alfred as a sort of mirror and resenting him for surviving too.  Wayne Manor is the same thing.  It and Alfred are the only relics from his life prior to the murders.  So he refuses to pay the reconstruction any mind.

Lucius Fox will realize that he is being asked to neglect his managerial responsibilties to the detriment of the company in favor of building shit for Batman like whatever the new Batmobile will be.

So Bruce will start seeing interpersonal pushback in his two most trusted relationships.

Then, the Riddler comes into play.  And this is how that should go down:  Some big, violent crime is perpetrated – then the next morning an anonymous riddle is published in  the Gotham Times claiming responsisblity – this should be just like the Zodiac letters back in the day.  And of course Goyer and the Nolan bros should put a lot of work into coming up with some really ingenius fucking riddle material.  That should go w/o saying but I said it anyways.

Then Bruce tunnelvisions on the Riddler case, setting our narrative into motion.

Through the duration Bruce puts more and more of his energy into breaking the case.  He gravitates more towards Gordon and the underworld and alienates Alfred and Lucius, going to them only when he requires their services.

The Riddler, with help from Joker, should monitor and evaluate Batman’s methods of investigating the crimes and the series riddles hitting the front page.

The public is already against The Batman for supposedly killing Harvey Dent.  The riddles should serve to increase the fervor of Gotham against their Knight.  This will add to the confusion in Wayne/Batman’s head.

I want this to explore the evolution of the meaning of the “Mask”.  It should ask as many questions as it answers.

This is where the conflict will be found.  It’s Bruce Wayne having to deal with what Batman has become to himself – the sort of Frankenstein’s monster he’s created or whatever.  He’ll have to learn, in his lonesome world, how to put Batman in his place and BE Bruce Wayne.  Of course that means he’ll have to find the who/what of Bruce Wayne as well as The Bat.  If Dark Knight was about the outside (upper and lower) limitations of the collective character of Batman and Bruce this one needs to get to a definition between the seperate personalities.

And then he can pull Riddlers brains out through his nose or whatever the next level is that (I hope) Christopher Nolan is able to push the PG-13 rating to.

“Shitty Trek is Better Than No Trek” – Ernie Moreno

My friend Ernie told me these words when I was complaining about Voyager.  Ernie is a true glutton for Trek and I can appreciate it.

But Voyager sucks rocks through a straw.  So does most of Next Generation.  DS9 at least tried to get back to the true sci-fi stuff every once in a while.  What I’ve seen of the last season of Enterprise did as well.

So this is my review of the full trailer for the JJ Abrams Star Trek movie.  Watch before reading.  The trailer is currently attached to Quantum of Solace which is one of the absolute worst movies I’ve ever seen.

But this is about new Trek.  Fuck all else.

I’ve seen a lot of rumblings on the interwebs saying Abrams doesn’t get Trek and blah blah blah.  The main guy I read saying this was Devin over at Chud.com. I dig homeboy most of the time and he even says several things in his article which make him seem like we’d normally be on the same side of a Trek-related squab.  That ain’t exactly how it is this time ’round.

Here’s my mostly Play-by-Play of the trailer:

00:06

I do have to partially agree with Devin’s “meh” response to the opening sequence w/ lil Kirk driving the ‘Vette.  While I think the gist of the scene is something we can get behind the concept should have been bigger and, far more importantly, it should have been at least a little bit original.  Yes James Kirk must have been a hoodlum when he was a sprout in Iowa but seeing him do that Thelma and Louise bullshit is fucking boring when we’ve seen him outfight Romulans and outwit super intelligences and singlehandedly shatter countless diplomatic boundaries.

00:39

“My name is James Tiberius Kirk” — corny? of course.  But fuck you all I cheered like a retard getting that Powerwhateverthefuck on Guitar Hero.

00:46

The next bit – the Top Gun piece – is pretty silly too but it gives a good look at a Starship in a way we ain’t really seen before.  And I think that’s Captain Pike giving the guidance counselor speech – which is cool.  Good trailer material.  But the bike sounds gay.  Why must motors of the future whistle?

01:03

Vulcan looks badass and fuck anyone who doesn’t want to see Spock as a kid.  Of course if they’re putting Spock as a kid as occurring at the same time that Kirk is a kid then something is very wrong.  Spock was always the senior by more than several years.  But I don’t think Abrams has made that mistake I just wanted to throw it out there.

01:09

The new version of the transportation tech seems pointless.  If its fast and never really featured its cool but you can’t make Beaming cooler with swirly shit.  Besides, it looks like a laser toilet.

01:13

Can somebody tell me why Kirk is in black and not gold?  Does it have something to do with the rumored time-change story arch?  It fuckin better.  Command Gold or Dress Greens are the only options for a Starfleet Captain.

01:14-01:19

We’re getting some cool shots of Starships – I wonder if one of them is the USS Farragut where Lt. James Kirk was stationed while Chris Pike commanded Spock on the Enterprise.

01:20

Silly shot of Eric Bana as der villain…

01:29

We do get a quick shot of Bruce Greenwood as Pike here – I wonder how that’s gonna end…  It would be so cool to see Pike hand Kirk the reigns.  And I just realized that Pike is in Gold with Kirk in that background – hmmm – maybe away-mission duds?

01:30

Then there’s a cool shot of somebody – presumably Kirk – delivering a vergasa punch…

01:30+

Then some sexy, shirtless bits of the Captain and Uhura – very nice.  I would totally geek if they bone but there really are no grounds for it in the mythology.

01:31

I love Scotty.

I love Simon Pegg.

I love Simon Pegg as Scotty.

01:33

Swordfight?  What the fuck?  I’m a little queasy at the moment….

01:35

John Cho lookin like he gets to put some actual work in on the mufucker.  I like it.  I was afraid he was gonna be straight-up comic relief.  His casting is still lazy and racist, though.

01:36

So we see the villain escaping from a Romulan prison…  Please God tell me this isn’t Cape Fear in space.  It is, isn’t it?  Does Eric Bana time travel to hang on the underside of the Corvette and Jimmy Kirk is really driving like that so Bana eats it in the canyon?  That could maybe excuse the first scene.  Maybe.

01:35-01:38

Karl Urban as Bones.  Bones is my 2nd fave character in TOS behind Mr. Scott.  Urban does seems to have DeForest Kelley’s rythm down, I think.  But once again he’s playing a part I should have had.

01:38

Finally – Captain James T. Kirk in his gold uni.  Too bad he’s saying a cheesy ass line like “Buckle Up”.  I’m betting this is from the last scene of the flick.  It seems like it might be meant to hearken back to the silly epilogue scenes that buttoned up the old episodes.

01:40

Spock choking Kirk has me very interested.

01:41

Uhura behind that submarine glass navigation thingy is cool.  That does some little work to thwarting Devin’s Air Force theory.

01:43

Is that the Slave 1?  Did Eric Bana go to George Lucas’ yard sale and trade a Warbird for the Slave 1?  Is it because the lasers whistle?  Again with the damned whistling tech…

01:44

Kirk seems to be brandishing a Klingon disruptor – interesting.

01:44+

I swear I’ve seen the USS Kelvin somewhere before but can’t find it mentioned online except for this movie…  Maybe it was an earlier image release.

01:47

The corny-ass line required for such trailers.  Bana: “The wait is over” — Obviously it’s meant to have a double-meaning, but the 2nd doesn’t fucking pan since 21 seconds later we’re told we have to wait til fucking MAY!  Bastards…

But that last little bit proves the trailer ultimately accomplished its goal.  I can’t wait for this shit. I want it now.

Now for some more general bits. – returning to Chud-Devin’s statement that “JJ Abrams doesn’t quite get Star Trek” – I don’t really see how he can say that.  Yes, I’m very vocal about hating the casting of Kirk, Sulu and Bones.  But this trailer does seem to get the characters – and that’s better than a lot of Trek flicks have done.  “Generations” – anyone?  Yes I would rather see a sci-fi movie than a revenge story – But it’s more important to me that they get our heroes right.  Kirk, Spock and Bones seem to be somewhat adversarial in this and that’s how it should be.  They are the administration of the crew.  They engage in debates where the outcome means life or death for hundreds of crew and quite often millions of civilians.  They’re fights are big and tense – and they’re still all best friends at the end of the day.  That’s TOS Trek.

Maybe we’ll get some real sci-fi high concept stuff on the next trip.

And, with that — See ya’s!!!

P.S.  You should all get out to your local video purchasing outlet and pick up Dance of the Dead.  It was my favorite at SXSW and I was crazy happy to see that Sam Raimi’s Ghosthouse company picked them up for a DVD distribution deal.  I look forward to whatever those kids put out next.

Jay Baruchel

This kid has a shot right now. A real once. And he’s got the talent to close the deal. I really hope he does.

Check him out at imdb.

Then watch him….

Watch him…

Watch. Him.

and then watch THIS!

My Midday with Val Kilmer

Felon

My roommate picked this up from blockbuster – I doubt I would have rented it myself. I saw Val Kilmer and who I thought to have been Baz Luhrmann’s Mercutio on the cover. Val had some badass facial hair and that’s ultimately what won me over on this day off.

At first I thought I might have fucked up. The first several scenes, the typical “how I got to prison” sequence, where Stephen Dorff accidentally kills a home invader… Those were the cheesiest, hack bullshit scenes I’ve been eye-raped by in a while.

But, I thought to myself, wait for Kilmer.

And then there he was. All grizzled and beautiful. And then – what? no way… Sam Fucking Shepherd was right there with him!

Sam.

Fucking.

Shepherd!

That’s really when the movie starts. We learn that Kilmer’s character, John Smith (i don’t get it either), is being transferred to another facility – we can assume it’s the one Stephen Dorff’s going to.

I dug the realism of the procedural shit. I ain’t never been in jail but I’ve experienced courtroom situations and have friends who used to be correctional officers. The language, the attitudes – most of it was in pretty good shape.

So, Dorff gets thrown in das Slam – we meet some Aryan Brotherhood fucks – see a lovely little gang murder (I should carry a sharpened toothbrush around at all times, I think) and then we’re in jail.

Dorff done a pretty good job – his acting and the cutting style employed did a good job of making a small amount of time feel long and excruciating and — jail-ish? But other than a short sequence or two his early scenes are standard prison movie scenes of the innocent guy locked up.

Then, finally, Val Kilmer moves into Dorff’s cell.

Here’s the funny thing about Felon. John Smith is not only the worst-named but also easily the worst written character in this straight-to-dvd release. But Kilmer shits magic. The textures and movements and looks and gritty voice he brings into that cell make the character jump off the screen. Smith, as written, Is a stock veteran lifer who quotes random bullshit and dispenses BS wisdom like Pez. But Kilmer made him so real that (and this is how it should be kids) it didn’t matter that the advice really has little value – what matters is that Smith believed every fucking word of it. The second part of the funny thing about Felon is Harold Perrineau as Lt. Jackson, the leader of the prison guards. Jackson is the Best-written character in this – and it Perrineau seemed to be doing a great job – but the character,overall,came off as kinda silly. I think it’s because director Waugh slacked off in his direction of Perrneau, trusting his writing to care of everything – too bad he was wrong. Perrineau is a damn good actor – But he’s a theatre guy. You gots to tone them motherfuckers down. They ain’t all Brando.

The drama between Dorff and his wife, Marisol Nichols, unfolds in a way that feels very real – they’re concerns are those which are legitimate for a real world couple when the bread-winner suddenly is removed from the equation. And the relationship between Dorff and Kilmer grows in a slow and tension-filled way that’s pretty cool. Even when Kilmer helps Dorff’s character you are aware that he has his own motives and isn’t simply doing it because “He’s my friend”. Kilmer already played that guy

and I think it unlikely he’ll do it again.

Then the climax shows up. And it’s a little too Hollywood but the acting is so great I didn’t give a sticky fuck.

The scene between Sam Shepherd and Dorff… Shepherd is a god among gods among actors and writers. I love that old fucker. I was drooling Shepherd was so dead nuts on in that scene.

The huge negatives are,as always,not enough Val Kilmer or Sam Shepherd. I understand why this movie was straight-to-dvd – its a hard sale. Prison movies always are. What was the last one to turn a buck theatrically? Shawshank Redemption? And what was the first one to make money….. probably Shawshank Redemption.

So, there it is – watch it for the old guys – if you can last through the bullshit in the early scenes.

Oh, and the fights were really cool and there’s one blood effect that was so badass I made happy in my pants.

Emily M. Hagins, Abel Ferrara x 2, Vincent Price and Charles Bronson = Wicked Good Weekend

(throw back a shot every time I say ‘fuck’ or a variant thereof)

FRIDAY:

I done been wanting to see Pathogen since I heard about. I think the first I read of it was Harry Knowles’ article about Emily Hagins getting a grant from the great nation of Texas. I went geeky over the idea of a 13-year-old girl making a zombie movie – as I think anyone who doesn’t suck should. And then she made it and there were screenings and the eventual dvd release but the world seemed to conspire to fuck me outta seeing it.

Well Thursday night I happened across Ms. Hagins on Facebook and asked her if she knew of the dvd being available for rent anywhere in town since I knew she had sold out on her website. She told me Vulcan South – So Friday I saddled my truck and headed to the other side of Town Lake (all respect to Lady Bird, but having Hank Hill’s dog named after you is more than enough, Greedy Ass). So, I went down there and nabbed it. the store’s cool. Ain’t been in a Vulcan before. They had a picture of The Duke on the wall but it coulda been a lot bigger. He’s The Duke, Motherfuckers.

So, I had Pathogen – but I wanted more. Hadn’t been to I Luv Video in a while so I headed there. i walked in and the lovely Alex who works there looked absolutley beautiful – I been in love with her since I first walked off in that bitch. I strolled around that fuckin store forever, had 2 full phone conversations with my brother and rented 3 movies.

Went home ad plugged Pathogen in. Fuck…. That young gal can make a damn movie, y’all. When I was her age I couldn’t even finish a story for a 24 page comic book. She threw down a feature length with great genre moments, well written characters and dialog better than half the shit coming out of Hollywood (not the greatest compliment, I know). i expect to be begging her for a job some day in the near future.

Then I went downtown with my roommate Nate-dawg and got pretty drunk, drank with Leslie Cochrane, ran into some highschool friends and…. did I mention ‘got really drunk’?

Then we came home and watched Pathogen – Nate was naked – I’m not sure why. It was funny, and not the first time this week.

SATURDAY:

Today I had an Abel Ferrara double feature without even realizing it. The first of the I Luv Video flicks was King of New York. Ferrara is a filmmaker I had no experience with before today. After this movie I wasn’t sure I’d want to have anymore. There were moments of true genius but overall it was pretty sloppy – and not in a good way. Walken was God, though. Every time I got to watch him was a gift. But this movie had the worst gunfights I’ve ever seen in my life. And I’m a gunfight guy. I’m not the biggest Larry Fishburn fan in the world but he was fun to watch in this – and watching him kill Wesley Snipes was a pretty cool scene.

The second part of the double bill was Bad Lieutenant. I fucking LOVED the balls off of this flick. Harvey Keitel rules my fucking world – and I can’t believe the fuckin shape that sumbitch was in. This review just got crazy shoted because I’ma go drink at Fado and watch Blaggards. But this time I’ll be more careful parking so Al Qaeda don’t be fuck up no more historical landmarks when they trying to kill me. Already got the Governor’s Mansion on my soul, don’t need no more.

I’m posting this on Saturday night but I’m gonna update it tomorrow after I watch Master of the World, and adaptation of a Jules Verne book starring Vincent Price AND Charles Bronson!!!!! Is there anything cooler than that!?! No. The answer is No

SUNDAY:

Was waisted.

MONDAY:

i FINALLY watched Master of the World. It was lacking in a lot of areas, but it delivered on Bronson and Price. Both were tough motherfuckers with opposing agendas and I couldn’t have hoped for anything more really. Price is a Nemo-esque character who functions somewhat like a more active predecessor to Klaatu – if the Earth don’t stop killing itself, he will kill the Earth with his well-armed airship and loyal crew.

Bronson is an agent of the U.S. government who finds himself in a position to stop Price’s Robard and his men. You could definitely tell that Price was loving every ounce of his character.

Hell, how could he not? Look at that facial hair:

Who wouldn’t love that part!?

So, I’ve had me some good movie time. Yay for me.

And Weird Wednesday is gonna have “Rolling Thunder” this week!

Stan Winston

Adam should be writing this. That’s all there is to it. My brother has preached the gospel of Stan Winston for longer than I can remember. When I wanted to make movies in order to best Spielberg and Lucas and Cameron, Adam was driven to the dream by one man. The man who rendered animated our finest dreams and made our nightmares beautiful. He built the T-100, sculpted the ultimate interplanetary trophy hunter, machined Tony Stark’s armor, brought dinosaurs into my living room, and revolutionized creature effects before I could cuss:

and again as recent as 1999:

Winston was a hero among heroes who never failed to bring class and humor to the table while showing the world a creative spark the likes of which we have hardly ever seen. His talents brought into being a neo-cryptozoological world that is recognizable around the Earth. A teenager in Taiwan may or may not know what a Golden Retriever looks like, but show the same kid a picture of the Predator and he’ll give you a short list of the creature’s weapons, tell you what color his blood is and clue you in as to his personal favorite kills perpetrated by said creature.

The man gifted us with textures that simply were not possible before him.

I look forward to a long conversation with Adam concerning Stan Winston’s passing. I know how his heart dropped when he heard the news. He’s his John Lennon. I loved the man for what he gave me and the world is a lesser place to be without him. When I first read of his passing moments before beginning this post I started mourning him as a loved one without even realizing it. When friends and close relatives have died, one of my strongest reactions was to hurt because I would never again be able to do a certain thing that we had done together – or something they or I had promised the other. And as much as I know the fourth installments of Terminator and Jurassic Park are going to be horrible and thus (yeah, I just said ‘thus’) enrage me without end – I absolutely knew that Stan Winston would craft for me visual spectacles which would make my brain explode with the purest of geeky joy. He had promised me that… then cancer took him from me.

He was only 62. I wasn’t done with him yet. My heart’s a little emptier now. He deserves something far more poetic than what I’ve got here or even what I’ve read other places.

Stan, we loved you as a friend because you were in it for all the right reasons. Thank you for showing us magic again.